Life for most men boys is an exasperating search for the absent father who has not yet offered protection, provision, nurturing, modeling, or, especially, acceptance. Many men they have given up the search and they act out the wound on who they love the most. Every man is longing for attention, affection and approval from a loving safe father.  All the men that you see struggling with marriage, jobs, kids and anger are suffering from Father Hunger.

They go through their adolescent rituals day after day for a lifetime, waiting for a father to validate them and treat them as good enough to be considered a man.

They call attention to their pain, getting into trouble, getting hurt, doing things that are bad for them, as if they are calling for a father to come take them in hand and straighten them out or at least tell them how a grown man would handle the pain.

They compete with other boys who don’t get close enough to let them see their shame over not feeling like men, over not having been anointed, and so they don’t know that the other boys feel the same way.

In a scant 200 years–in some families in a scant two generations–we’ve gone from a toxic overdose of fathering to a fatal deficiency. It’s not that we have too much mother but too little father.

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me. 1 Corinthians 15:10 

Grace is not opposed to effort, it is opposed to earning. Earning is an attitude. Effort is an action. Grace, you know, does not just have to do with forgiveness of sins alone.― Dallas Willard, The Great Omission: Reclaiming Jesus’s Essential Teachings on Discipleship

“Ask this question: how have you learned the Father? Search your heart until you know that you know that you know how you have learned Him.  Then, lay down all who you have learned him to be and ask the Him to come to you as His son, and reveal Himself as He truly is.

Father, I have learned you wrong. It would have been better to not know you than to have learned you wrong. I want to relearn you. Who are you? What is your heart? What is your way? What is your way with me? What is the love language you have between us? Father, daddy, this is all frontier.  But I choose this day to give more of me to more of you. I choose to stay and stay and stay again until I have received your heart for your wandering son.” – Morgan Snyder

If you spend any time with me you will eventually hear me talk about the metaphors that God uses in scripture to explain our relationship with Him.  I am fascinated with them.  They are a beautiful picture of God’s love, care, provision and affection for us. I have been pondering the idea that God really does want and enjoy us for several years.  Take some time to look over the metaphors that I have listed below.  Ponder them, ask God questions.  If you allow them to take root they will bring a confidence as you deal with life.  The lie that most of us struggle with is that we are alone.  It is all up to us, we have no one to help us or be with us along the journey.  The metaphors of scripture will help combat or erase that lie.  Imagine how much different your life would be if you were absolutely confident that God was with you.

Here are some of the metaphors that scripture uses to describe your relationship with God.  This is a good start and guide to help you understand your relationship with God.

Identity comes from a source. Identity is something that is given or bestowed while we are in relationship with others.  The validation of our identity is understood by how we impact others.  We have a longing to know that we matter in the lives of others, that we make a difference and that we can’t be replaced.

Validation

Validation is – “to give official sanction, confirmation, or approval to”.

I have been pondering God’s validation for most of my life.  Over the years my understanding has grown. I have come to understand that validation comes from understanding who I am in Christ and understanding who God is. Validation comes when we understand who we are. Knowing yourself and knowing God are intricately connected together.  You can’t truly know yourself or God’s validation of you without living in relationship with Him.  We usually get caught up trying to get validation for what we do rather than who we are.

The metaphors that scripture uses to describe your relationship with God is a good start and guide.

Letter From A Loving Father

Many of us struggle with connecting to a loving father.  You may have had a wonderful father and are able to recognize the impact of his love and consistency in their life.  But sadly many become angry because of all the wounds that a father represents.  They have wounds from their father because of what he did or did not do.  These wounds prevent them from knowing their real Father – the one that knit them together in their mother’s womb because of His passionate love and desire for them.  You are wanted and enjoyed by your Heavenly Father.  Below is a list of scripture in the form a letter to you.  Read and meditate on them.

How does God validate you?  With the love and sacrifice of His son.  My head believes this but, does my heart and behavior reflect that?

Everything a man does is a search for validation

The question is not “if” a man is seeking validation.  The question is “where is he seeking validation from?”

To validate something is to “give official sanction, confirmation, or approval to it.”  What makes you feel like you have value and worth?  We are designed to want validation, the feeling of significance.  The problem is that  we try to get validation from what we think we can control or mange.  We avoid mystery and things we can’t control.  We seek validation from people, work, friends, accomplishments or our spouse.  They become the barometer of our feelings and worth.   The treadmill of acceptance can wear us out.  Always trying to please people or control situations.  The solution is that we kill our heart or hyper control our world.  We stop believing that we have value or significance in the world.  This will kill your heart, “the wellspring of life” – Proverbs 4:23.  Or we control the people in our world by killing them with kindness or managing everything by ourselves.  This will flat wear you out.

The problem is we keep God at arms length and try appease Him with church attendance and trying to be nice.  God’s love and acceptance is the key to value and significance. The journey of believing  brings freedom and renewed energy.  How does God validate you?