Children are a blessing that represent the laughter and intimacy of your relationship, they are a true gift from God. Ask any couple that has prayed or struggled to have children and they will confirm that every child is a miracle. The challenge of every couple is to still make their marriage a priority. Your children’s greatest need is to have a safe loving home. So often couples become so child focused that they forget each other. It is vital that you love each other well, especially in front of the children. You are modeling marriage to them, and you are creating their family of origin that will guide them and their future children. I know that sounds like a lot of pressure, but be intentional about your kids and your marriage. Research points out that martial satisfaction and enjoyment slip when kids come. If couples work at staying connected the enjoyment can return as the kids become more independent. Here are a some thing you can do to keep connection strong.
Children are a blessing
and a gift from the Lord – Psalms 127:3
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- Be each other’s biggest fan – Praise each other to other people, as well as to your children. Your spouse needs to hear you support, encourage and praise them to your family, friends and kids.
- Plan child-free couple vacations – You may not be able to schedule a whole week away but, don’t use that as an excuse to do nothing. Start where you can, maybe just one night away with the goal of scheduling a weekend away soon.
- Present a united front – This means you always have each other’s back, no matter what.
- Keep the baby out of the bed – Bedtime is the hardest for most parents. You must start early in the kids lives to make this happen. Every time you bend and allow them in your bed it gets harder to put them back in their beds. Stay strong and firm with this, you need this time together as a couple.
- Respect each others needs – This is less about martial needs and more about emotional needs. This is things like time together and apart.
- Play with the kids together – Their is something warm and positive to watch your partner play with the kids. This family bonding time can create safety and support that will carry you through some tough times.
Your kids are learning about marriage by watching you. Treat your spouse the way you want their future spouse to treat them.
So true Mark. As a couple that had fertility problems early on, we are blessed to have 3 boys. But over the years it has definitely been a challenge to find time for each other. I’d love to say I’ve done an awesome job at that. But it was hard early on. You do have to work at it like anything else in life that you want. Be intentional. We had no sitter help for long times off alone like you mentioned. But we were able to take some 1 or 2 night stays sometimes. Which was a blessing.
Its funny, I used to hear growing up that having kids will fix things and make relationships grow closer. But it is actually the opposite most of the time as the couple has less time for each other.