“It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I’m not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them.” 1 Corinthians 7:2-6 MSG

Touch is part of how we create a strong bond and connection as we build a relationship with our spouse.  It has an important role in communication, intimacy and creating a connected marriage. When you touch your spouse you are acknowledging their presence and communicating your desire for them. That’s why most successfully married couples touch often.

Here are 3 types of touch or stages of touch that every marriage should practice.

• Stage One – Intimate Companions – This type of touch is designed to show affection and interest, not get a sexual response.  This type of touch is things like holding hands, rubbing shoulders, a small kiss or hug, walking arm in arm together.  This is touching anywhere a one piece bathing does not cover.  The goal is bonding in this stage.
• Stage Two – Playmates – This type of touch is sexual touch but is not designed as foreplay or with the goal of intercourse or orgasm.  This type of touch is things like a long lingering hug when you greet each other or say goodbye, Cuddling on the sofa or bed while your hands roam or even taking a shower together. Make sure that your hug or kiss is at least 5 or 10 seconds long for more effective results!  I know this may seem odd but the goal is to play together without the pressure of intercourse or orgasm.  Men this is so important to your wife.  She needs to know she can relax without the pressure of sex.  The goal is tender playfulness.
• Stage Three – Lovers – This type of touch is the full range of touch and lovemaking that God ordained for the marriage bed. The goal is making love.

Many couples make the mistake of thinking that stage 3 is the goal.  Focus on stage 1 and 2 and you will be surprised how much richer stage 3 becomes.  The more that you learn to practice all of these stages the deeper and more satisfying your intimacy and relationship will be.  Learn to enjoy touching and showing affection as the priority not just how quickly you can get to sex. Remember marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.  Put thier needs first and you will live a blessed life.

“Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” – 1 Corinthians 7:5 ESV

To read more about the stages of touch look at Total Intimacy: A Guide to Loving by Color by Douglas Rosenau, Deborah Neel