Relationships get stuck when we live in the past. It is difficult to love fully or show kindness when you are replaying conversations and events in your head. We are always living in the present. We lose the focus or attention of the present by allowing or thoughts to live in the shame of the past or the anxious fear of the future.
This bind or struggle can effect how you live with and love the relationship that are most important to you. We judge the motives or meaning of our spouse and friends by being caught up in the struggle of shame or hurt from the past and fear and anxiety of the future. Here are a couple things you can do to help you live in the joy of the present.
- Forgive Freely – Forgiveness allows you to give God the past so you can live in the present with him. In unforgiveness you rehearse the past in your head. Arguing with people in your head and replaying events in your mind. Forgiveness helps you to live fully alive, safe and strong in God presence.
Ephesians 4:32 ESV – Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you; Colossians 3:13 ESV – Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
- Smile and Laugh More – You release stress and give yourself the gift of gratitude as you smile and laugh. We are drawn to happy people.
Proverbs 15:13-14 ESV – A glad heart makes a cheerful face; Proverbs 17:22 ESV – A joyful heart is good medicine.
- Develop A Heart of Gratitude – Gratitude is an authentic appreciation for all that we have in our lives. A thankful heart helps us live longer, feel better and create positive connections in the world around us. Gratitude also sets an extraordinary example for our children to create lives full of thankfulness.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 ESV – Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Colossians 3:17 ESV – And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
- Look For Ways to Preform Small Acts of Kindness – Outward activities can change us inside. God can use service to others as a catalyst to change your heart.
Luke 6:38 ESV – Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you; John 13:34 ESV – A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.
Don’t get discouraged you can get unstuck and develop a positive relationship that is fully alive.
What would you add to this list?
Wow, yeah this is something we’ve had to work through. It is like “serving your time” but your crime keeps following you around like a scarlet letter. So that any small thing in reality is blown up into something huge because the past is “coloring” it.
I know you can’t forget the past as easily as they say you can. But you have to get it out of your focal point and off to the side once forgiveness is given. And not stack 1 offense onto another as life goes on.
Freedom comes when you live in the present fully forgiven and accepted. This is where we have to live and invite others into. This is walked out in our relationship with Christ but it should also be evident in our day to day relationships.